When a Capricorn Full Moon Fell on My Sun and Moon

🤡 On the 1st/7th axis of my Solar Return, no less (Part 1).

Hello! I said I’d be back soon – but 2025 took me on one of the best rides of my life. I got caught up in a life-changing creative project. I’ve been processing so much emotion – pride, grief, joy, and triumph.

Months ago, I mentioned I was working on a special project.

Back in February 2025, I got a green light on my solo clown show. It got accepted into my local Fringe Festival’s Work-In-Progress slot.

I couldn’t believe it. It was finally time. I’d spent years hoping, praying, and fearing when (if?) I’d finally perform a solo clown show live.

Even though I talk about how much I love clown – I went through a period of grief, wondering if I should just leave it behind.

I wondered whether clown had simply been a tool for healing dissociation – something I’ll write more about another time.

So, back in June 2024, I was excited to check out a solo clown show at my local Fringe Festival, because I knew the clown studied with my clown lineage – and it’d been years since I was immersed in what I consider to be “home”. To see someone deftly weave stupidity on stage, in the style I’m trained, is my sacred home.

I also checked out the show to do a temperature check on myself – does clown even matter to me anymore? I wanted to know how my body would respond.

I ended up seeing the show twice, and I loved it. I walked away with a foggy dream in my heart. A quiet voice emerged, and she said, “I want to travel to different cities with my own solo clown show, too. I want to do that. Why can’t I?”

It’s perhaps like a child asking her parent for some pretty glittery shoes. The other kids have cool stylish shoes – why can’t I?

And of course, I mostly shrugged that very real feeling off.

Fast forward to September 2024 (this all connects, I swear), I invite my friend to see a band, Holy Wave, that I was thrilled was coming to town.

They were opening for the headliner STRFKR. I used to put them on repeat while cranking out design projects for class.

By the way, music is how I orient, it’s how I often channel clown material.

The prospect of seeing STRFKR was a bonus, but I was way more focused on Holy Wave.

So we’re at the concert, it’s September 15, 2024 (relevant detail, I’ll explain later), and the opener-opener is this crazy musician called Happy Sad Face. His stage presence and music killed me.

He had a wig on, was awkwardly maneuvering around numerous instruments with very little stage space – and it was perfect. I loved it. I loved him. It reminded me of clowning.

And finally, at last, Holy Wave. Complete heaven. They were drugged up out of their minds, but played their elaborate music to perfection. I headbanged through 80% of their set.

I looked over at my friend, and I’m like, it’s totally okay if we leave early, if you want. One STRFKR song is fine…

So…STRFKR takes the stage, and it was the most bravado, committed, disciplined, devoted energy and space design I’d ever felt from a music act. They shot confetti. There were two dancers for every song, with intermittent outfit changes. It’s kitsch but intentional, and from the soul. Eccentric, glam, spectacle.

My heart swirled. I watched, awe-struck by the way the lead singer commanded the room. I could feel his enveloping aura – and he was hidden behind sunglasses and a wig, tucked away behind his keyboard! It hit deep.

In that moment, I just knew I also wanted to serve a crowd like that. Bring joy into the room the way they did. I realized… the night had actually been about seeing them all along.

After the concert, I felt this distinct shift. It felt like I timeline-jumped. It reminded me of how I felt after the clown show in June too.

There had been many synchronistic hints about what was to come, long before this concert. Intuition just knows, and the mind fights and overthinks it.

The night of my birthday in July 2024, it was a full moon in Capricorn at 29 degrees – exactly opposite and conjunct my Cancer sun/moon.

A full moon like this in a Solar Return marks a year of culmination.

My father and I had dinner at a restaurant we’d never been to. It was a cozy summery Sunday night. Wonderful cocktails, a fun appetizer of steak tartare, and I think we both got pasta entrees.

Well…little did I know, less than a year later I’d perform my solo clown show in the space right next door !

I even dreamt (twice) of the venue I performed in, during Fall 2024. But I’d never been there before! In May 2025, when I peeked inside from the sidewalk, I instantly recognized it from my dreams.

My show debut was a hit, with a solid turnout. The room kept laughing at material I’d literally never tested before – which is kinda crazy of me, sounds irresponsible, but I’m intentional – especially with my creative process and nervous system.

I didn’t know if I’d pull it off. Which was silly, because every clown training I ever did, my material landed very well. My first clown teacher (a renowned clown, whom many emulate) insisted I was a natural and was ready for the stage.

I struggle to explain this year’s feat. I tried clowning in the first place, 9 years ago, because I didn’t trust or like myself. I wanted to *try* being seen in my rawness and see how I fared. That’s all.

Back then, people thought my stage presence and material were piss-pants funny, but I could hardly sustain being on stage for long. It was hard to be liked like that, I was still learning how to connect in that deep kind of way.

It was the first time I felt seen, known, and loved – all those years ago in Wales. It really changed my life.

This year, the way I commanded space, and didn’t get scared. I’m so proud of myself.

My 4-hour tech run in Philly. I was in town for a week. I even got to busk 2 days (i’d never busked before!). I loved busking.

I ended up taking the show for a mini 3-day run at Philadelphia’s Fringe Festival. The run’s last day was September 15, 2025 😭😭 – exactly a year after I had the religious experience with STRFKR. Little did I know that spark I felt with them would be fulfilled exactly a year later. I’m crying while I type this.

September 15 actually aligns with another pivotal clown point in my life, but that’s for another post.

Someone wanted a picture with me after one of the shows. Another night, a lady lingered behind to say how much fun she had.

After my final performance in Philly, my show felt the realest to me – I truly saw I made a real thing, something I felt compelled to refine further. I found my groove. I was stunned to witness myself surrender and play with my audience the way I did.

Hearing people giggle while I played with them… my heart is still learning how to fully hold that.

I’m grateful. In awe. Still processing. Still feeling. Looking forward to more iterations of the show, so I can make it the best it can be.

2025 was kind to me.

Thank you for being here. More to come. Here’s to an excellent 2026.