Karmic Twins in Destiny Cards, or Today is a 7 of Diamonds Day
How the cards play out between my sister and I.
Today is a 7 of Diamonds Day. And it’s my sister’s birthday (it’s also David Lynch’s bday, may he forever live on in our imaginations and hearts).
We haven’t talked in 5 years.
Growing up my sisters were my proxy moms. They are 9 years and 12 years older than me.
I loved watching them. Eating snacks with them. They’d haul me off to restaurants, drive-thrus, and movies if our parents were fighting and our brother had the police called on him again.
Regrettably, I was so cared for by them that I took them for granted in the way that a baby thinks they’re their mom. (That’s why babies often seem to favor their father over their mom - because they are mom lol).
I especially loved laughing at them.
I never actually had a desire to be funny myself, I was just content to enjoy their humor. It was enough for me, it made my heart full.
I loved them so much I unconsciously copied them. I’d wear their makeup, perfume, and jewelry. Many times without permission !
Their taste in movies, sweet treats, and 90s/80s hits will forever adorn my heart’s walls. That’s home for me. But remixed in my way - Aries Rising style :).
I’m eternally in love with Generation X because of my sisters.
As we got older I had to watch them gradually drift away. It was hard. I was still a child and they were blooming adults trying to find their footing in this world. It was my first lesson in letting go and understanding the ephemeral nature of relationships. (This is a universal human experience, but it’s a repetitive slog for anyone with a 9 of Hearts as their birth card or if it’s featured prominently in their life spreads. It’s my ruling card.)
Like my journey, they had to navigate life while never feeling safe. We grew up in a domestic violent household. We never had intimate leaders on inner safety and were constantly betrayed by our parents.
While my mom was pregnant with me, my sister decided my name was Claudia - she said she’d call me that regardless of what they named me (she is known for being a bossy, feisty firecracker since - forever).
I love thinking that my soul communicated this info to her 9-year-old self. My parents were so ungrounded and my only hope to get the name I wanted was my sister lol.
Her birthday means her natal sun is opposite my natal sun and moon, her north node in Leo is my south node in Leo, and her birth card 7 of Diamonds is the karmic twin to my ruling card 9 of Hearts.
The intentional design of our connection is obvious to me. The ego clash of our suns (opposing axes Cancer/Leo vs. Capricorn/Aquarius) - means we have an opposite way of instinctively being. And then our opposite nodes mean I’m who she wants to become, she’s who I want to become. And the best part to me - our cards.
She’s the 7 of Diamonds to my 9 of Hearts.
There are only 4 cards with Karmic Twin Partners* (Ace of Clubs with 2 of Hearts and 9 of Hearts with 7 of Diamonds).
What does that mean? I sit Saturn/Saturn and she sits Venus/Venus. Every year we switch. I know what it is to be her, and vice versa.
There’s that mirror effect again, I remind her of restriction - perseverance. I think of her as sparkling and effervescent (Venusian). It took me 26 years to see I was beautiful and sparkling too.
I’m not sure what she thinks of me, I know she calls me creative. I know her husband said when I’m older I’m gonna be the “weird aunt” (he said this before I was 26, when I was way off my path of knowing my soul, so that hurt my feelings at the time haha - he’s 💯 correct though).
It hurts that she doesn’t seem to see the depth and goodwill of my character.
Ever since I can remember, she was challenged by my mere presence. I would be sitting in peaceful silence or innocently expressing a want to our mom and it was a trigger for her.
When I was pre-k age, she’d sit on me or lock me out of the house while I was in my pajamas - just laughing at me while I cried. She told me I was adopted and giggled as my face fell.
I remember her being mad when I got my first real lipstick at age 14. It was MAC Ruby Woo (I actually didn’t get it to look pretty, I got it because I read it was the red Robert Smith always wore, and I wanted to feel close to him).
At the time, it looked like she was being overprotective of me - which made me feel loved and like I was bad for wanting to wear cool lipstick. I thought so much about her opinion. In hindsight, it was jealousy.
My mom bought me an ear cuff when she visited Las Vegas, I was about 14 at the time. I was shocked she got it, that she even heard me saying I’d wanted one. My sister took it and threw it away. I never got the chance to wear it.
Again, jealousy.
When I was 22, I got into a silly car accident. I totaled my car because I changed lanes too fast while it was snowing and hit a guardrail. (On the upside it happened while I was heading home from an interview that hired me later that day for my first full-time graphic design job woohoo.)
I’ll never forget the side eye she gave me when I got my new car. My other sister and mom encouraged me to be youthful and expressive (this sounds like a weird thing to say, but I went through a phase where I suppressed my personality and agency - I thought it was ungodly, I was an evangelist), so I got a sporty orange hatchback. And I made my own payments on it, I never felt entitled to help from my parents (they’d help my siblings with their car payments). I even paid it off waaay early in preparation for moving out to California for clown school.
She just low-key was always a hater.
Every incident I shrugged off like I was being paranoid and oversensitive. I gaslit myself. I shamed my intuition and broke it.
As I got deeper into my 20s I noticed how she talked to our older sister with more emotional investment. I felt like an outsider or an intrusion in our dynamic. It made me feel sad and excluded.
She never gave me, or our other sister, an opportunity to talk our feelings out and reach resolutions. She always made everything about her feelings. She didn’t have space for my viewpoint.
She’d make fun of my taste or choices and then years later do the exact thing she mocked.
Anytime I felt slighted by her, I never got an apology. And I moved on, gave her the benefit of the doubt, and continued to invest in our relationship. I sold myself short.
In my journey, it’s taken so much work - many times against my will - to step into my power. And know and believe I matter, that my feelings matter, and that I have clear reasonable thinking that makes sense even if there are emotional parties that want to “fight” me.
Her south node and sun in Aquarius - my north node - have taught me detachment - one of the main lessons my soul came here to learn.
Letting go, trusting Spirit, not being held back by melodrama, and believing in myself no matter what forces oppose me - is my whole deal. It’s been brutal.
Maybe she’s learned about her inner child and creative expression from me.
We had to part ways. I forgive her and love her. I know she loves me. I know that our upbringing created crushing trauma for me and my 3 siblings to overcome. I think that has played a major role in her ability to relate to me on stable ground.
So thank you, Noemi, and Happy Birthday.
This resonates on many levels because my relationship with my sister has always been painful, so much so that I had to give up. It's bittersweet because we do love each other. But, I had to learn to love from a distance and never ever make the mistake of getting close enough to be vulnerable to her low-key negativity toward me. It has been a life long thing. I had a dream about her 2 years ago that made me wake up in tears. I honestly believe the dream was meant for me to know that I must unplug from this narrative for the rest of my life. And it was okay. My guides were letting me know I didn't have to feel guilty about it.
We (humans) are going through a lot of emotional pain… bravo for struggling your way through and find opportunities for thriving
Being a clown was what I said I wanted to be when I grow up, when I was 5 years old. Sometimes I’m one at home or on my own…